Keep Marriages Strong

The 10 Habits that Keep Marriages Strong

The key to wedded bliss isn't over-the-top romance, but these surprisingly simple practices you can do to stay - or fall back - in love with your partner. By Holly Corbett, REDBOOK.  

Not trying to change each other
Maybe you wish he folded his socks, or that he would chat it up with your friends without prompting. But, his inability to notice hair in the sink may stem from the laid-back personality that drew you to him in the first place. "One of the things we see with happy couples is that they know their partner's differences, and have pretty much stopped trying to change the other person," says Darren Wilk, a certified Gottman Couples Therapist with a private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia. "Rather than trying to fight their partner's personality style, they instead focus on each other's strengths." To better understand how to tap into both of your best qualities, take this quick relationship personality quiz.

Framing your demands as favors Whether you want him to unload the dishwasher more often or pay closer attention to the kids, your partner will be more likely to change his behavior if he feels like he'll get relationship brownie points. "Throw it out there like a favor. Present it like 'here is the recipe for what will make me happy,' because everyone wants to make their partner feel happy," says Wilk. "When you present your needs, present them as what you do want rather than what you don't want." Instead of saying, "I hate when you have to have everything scheduled," try saying, "I would love to have a day where we can just be spontaneous."

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Vocalizing your apprecation
Giving your partner positive reinforcement sounds like a no-brainer, but couples often forget to do it. "Relationship expert Gottman's research found that in everyday life, happy couples have 20 positive moments - such as a shared look, compliment, or affectionate touch - to every negative moment," says Wilk. Tell him something positive three times a day, and be specific. Instead of saying, "You're a good dad," tell him why. "You're a good dad because you helped our daughter with that puzzle, which I never would have had the patience to do."

Focusing on the positive
"Unhappy couples are stuck in a negative state of mind," says Wilk. "You will always find what you look for. If you look for stuff that bugs you and that your partner is doing wrong, you will find it every day. If you look at what your partner is doing it right, you'll find it everyday." It's a choice to flip your mindset, so when you find yourself getting annoyed, visualize something he does that makes your heart flutter to halt the negative thought circuit.

Taking trips down memory lane "Happy couples tend to rewrite history by glossing over the bad stuff and focusing on the happy times," says Wilk. By reliving memories out loud to your partner, it actually changes your mindset, and how you view him and think about your relationship. Try this exercise whenever your feel your relationship needs a boost: Go over the highlights of when you were first dating, or rehearse the best moments of your relationship (such as the day you had an impromptu picnic in the park during your lunch hour, or that surprise anniversary date he took you on) to uncover buried memories.

Related: What He's Really Thinking After 1, 5, and 10 Years of Marriage

Never siding with the enemy "Sometimes what affair-proofs relationships is simply being there when your partner needs to vent, and having their back without trying to fix the problem," says Wilk. "People want someone to listen to them." The key is to be supportive, and never take the side of the person he's venting about - even if you can see where that person is coming from. For example, if he is upset that his boss took away a contract and gave it to someone else in the office, now is not the time to say, "Well, maybe you didn't put your best effort in." Right now he needs his feelings validated, and to hear you say, "That must have been really hard." Happy couples know when to bite their tongues.

Not getting too comfortable Trust, security, and commitment are key elements in any relationship, but having them doesn't mean you can treat your relationship as rock-solid, and stop trying. "Relationships are a fragile ecosystem, and that's why there is a 50 percent divorce rate," says Wilk. "Happy couples keep dating, telling each other they look great, and doing things together."

Having rituals of connection "It's not only about having a date night, but happy couples seem to do a lot of mundane things together," says Wilk. "They have little habits that they decide to do together, whether it be sitting down to pay the bills once a month or folding laundry." We say, anything to make that pile of dirty clothes feel more manageable.

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Knowing your partner's calls for attention Happy couples are mindful of those little moves their partners do for attention. When Gottman's team studied 120 newlyweds in his Love Lab, they discovered that couples who stayed married six years later were paying attention to these bids for connection 86 percent of the time, compared to only 33 percent of the time for those who later divorced. So look out for the little things, and respond to his need to connect. Like if you're grocery shopping and he casually mentions that he hasn't had Fruit Loops since he was a kid, throw them in the cart for him to show that you care.

Doing the little things "When it comes to relationship satisfaction, you can't just ride on the big things like, 'I don't drink, I pay the bills, I don't beat you, we went to Hawaii last year,'" says Wilk. "This stuff is not really what keeps couples happy in their daily lives." What really matters is all the small stuff that adds up, such as being there for each other when one needs to vent, or noticing when he needs a hug, or making him his favorite meal just because. "It's also giving up on the idea that you have to feel in love all the time. Marriage is about trust and commitment and knowing each other," says Wilk. "That's what love is."

by yahoo article: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/10-habits-keep-marriages-strong-150300067.html 

Never say these five things in a job interview (yahoo artical) - by Ramit Sethi

       We are terrible at interviewing. We walk into the interview room without preparing. We spend time worrying about "trick questions" and about what shirt we should wear, instead of the things that really matter. Worst of all, we believe an interview is intended for us to simply answer the questions that the interviewer gives us.
      I say this as someone who's sat on both sides of the table: as a candidate, interviewing against some of the world's toughest companies (like Google and a multi-billion-dollar hedge fund), and as a hiring manager.
Yet once you can master the interview process, you can secure job offers against other candidates who have many years more experience than you. In today's economy, knowing how to interview is a killer skill.
That starts with knowing what to avoid doing in a job interview, or what I call "5 Interview Killers."

1. "I just sort of... and then... and like... and uh... yeah."
      If you ramble, you lose.
Think back to when you last met someone and asked them a simple question ("So, what did you do at Acme Corp?"), only to hear 6 minutes of irrelevant details. How did you feel?
Now imagine this happening in a job interview. Interviewers aren't just evaluating your technical skills. They're using the "Airport Test," asking themselves, 'Could I see myself being stuck in an airport with this person?'
Like it or not, we're evaluated on our personality as well as our skills. And if you can't give a tight, concise answer in an interview, the interviewer will wonder if you'll be able to do it in your job.
2. "Yeah, I helped out with that but it wasn't just me."
Humility is a great trait, but going out of your way to be self-deprecating is an interview turn-off.
You should always be candid about your role, but your interviewer doesn't care about your team dynamics or organizational chart. He wants to know what you did. He wants to know how you think. He wants to know about YOU.
If you keep downplaying your accomplishments, how is a hiring manager supposed to value you enough to hire you?
It's okay to be proud of the work you've done. It's okay to be confident. Try it: Practice saying, "I'm glad you asked about that project. I'm really proud of the results we got, including a 13% revenue increase in 6 months." See how that makes you feel.
Does it feel uncomfortable the first time? Of course. We're not used to talking about our accomplishments without downplaying them. But the fifth time you practice your confident answers, it will start to feel natural.

3. "I left my last job because I didn't really get along with my boss."
     We've all had bosses from hell, but an interview is not the place to trade war stories.
Take the high road: "I really enjoyed working at Acme Corp. One of the things I appreciated was being able to grow my skills in email marketing, but now I'm ready to take my skills to a bigger stage. That's why I'm excited to work with you..."

4. "I work too hard."
     What's your biggest weakness?
Interviewers love to ask this question because it separates the top performers from the average workers. The most common -- and worst -- responses are trite: "I work too hard" or "I have trouble saying no to responsibility."
Hiring managers aren't stupid. They can see right through these canned responses.
So what is the right answer to a question about your biggest weakness?
Look for the "question behind the question." What interviewers really want to know is that you're self-perceptive enough to acknowledge your weaknesses -- which we all have -- and that you've taken recent action to improve them.
So instead of a canned answer, explain what a real weakness you have and how you've worked to fix it. Include specifics. Point to conferences you've attended or projects you've taken on.
That's how you answer the weakness question and nail the interview.

5. "I made 40K at my last job, so I'm really looking for something more like 50K. But you know...I'll be willing to take 45K too."
     Your interviewer will always want to know how much you made at your last job. But it's not your responsibility to tell them.
In fact, you put yourself at a severe disadvantage if they know your salary. For example, if you tell them you make $50,000, and the hiring manager was prepared to offer you $60,000, you've just lost thousands of dollars from one sentence.
Even in this economy, few companies will reject you for simply not answering the salary question. That's because it costs thousands of dollars to recruit the average candidate. If they really want you, they'll make you an offer, and you can negotiate from there.
When they ask for your salary, here's your line to use: "I'm sure we can discuss salary when the time is right, but for now I just want to see if there's a mutual fit for you and me."
Negotiating can be tough, but it can be worth thousands of dollars to you (here's how to negotiate your salary the right way).
There you have it -- 5 Interview Killers to avoid in an interview. Avoid these blunders and watch your interviewing success skyrocket.
If you're curious what you SHOULD say in an interview, I've put together a free mini-course on improving your interview skills overnight.

Ramit Sethi is the author of the New York Times bestseller, I Will Teach You To Be Rich. Get his free techniques and word-for-word scripts at http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com.

How to Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends

How to Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends
by http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize,-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends

Making friends can be easy. It depends on how outgoing you are. If you're shy, then you need to build up your confidence to become popular. This guide might help you but what you really need is socializing skills and of course a cheerful smile.

1. Just be yourself. Don't be afraid to express your opinions. If someone insults you, just ignore them. The people who are jealous and hate you will be outnumbered by the people who love you for being yourself.
2. Be optimistic. Even if you are feeling really down, remember that there's always something out there to smile about. A positive outlook will make people want to be around you a lot more. Be cautious, however. There's a point where optimism can be annoying. Don't be too optimistic.
3. Crack a joke. (Having a sense of humor is important, but don't get too carried away, there are some things you have to be serious about.If you joke about your friend in a rude way it could damage your relationship with them.)
4. Smile as much as you can! Signs of encouragement let people know you care about what they are saying. But have a reason to smile. Make it clear you have a reason to smile with humor or optimistic words. Smiling without a reason, or smiling too much may creep people out.
5. Share interesting/silly ideas. Your thoughts can open up many doors that can lead to friendship.
6. Listen more than you talk. Instead of nodding and smiling and occasionally wiping the drool off your face, try to take what the person says and run with it. Add your own thoughts into the mix - but don't hijack the conversation.
7. Start by doing little things if you are very reserved. For example, every time you go to school, work, or wherever, say hello to one person and have a one-on-one conversation with them.
8. Say "hello" to those that don't talk much. (Share something about yourself, such as where you're going or why you're there. Avoid talking about the weather - as Tom Waits says, "Strangers talk about the weather." Try to compliment them.
9. Don't expect perfection out of anyone, especially yourself. For example, if you forget your own name while introducing yourself (which probably won't happen), just make fun of the situation.
10. Be Patient. If you are still among strangers, the apprehension of a conversation may cause a delay in comments. Don't worry, that will go away in short order.
11. Talk to older people, maybe even your own folks. They will be less likely to ridicule you, therefore making it easier to learn to talk well.
12. Place importance on making social contacts. The people who are considered popular may not be the sharpest tacks in the box, but they are acquainted with important people who may contribute to their future careers. It is never too late to feel that being popular is important. If your work environment allows for it, host a party, organize a sports game, etc.
13. Love yourself. It is difficult to like others when you do not appreciate yourself for who you are. Try exercise to improve your self-esteem. Start your journey to "self-discovery."
14. Be loyal. Little things count. If you make an appointment, be on time. If you're in a group, show up early, and stay late (even if you don't have anything to say at the moment).
15. Be nice to others. Always give compliments, but don't try too hard. If you are shy, take a deep breath and risk it - you never know what might happen. Again, if you are shy on the outside but a little crazy on the inside, let it out once in a while. Wear your hair up high and spin around or dance. Others will laugh and find you funny and fun to be with.
16. Try not to be defensive over something that is possibly your own issue. For example, don't shout, "Why are you so prejudiced?" or "Why don't you like women?" when due to past situations you may just be overly sensitive. Try to always believe the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt that can go a long way in getting to know the real person. If it turns out they are a bigot, then move on to befriend the next person and don't waste any more energy. It may take a few tries to find friends that "click." And anyway, if you're arguing with someone about something stupid such as shoes, drop it. Try to get out of arguments that are dumb. If you're arguing because you were sticking up for your friend such as something like someone was making fun of her and you were trying to stand up for her, then I completely understand.